It ain’t the kink, its the story

Francesco Hayez 008

Bulletproof Kink — What gets you going no matter how badly it’s done?

So I’ve got two ways to approach this–what turns me on no matter what when I’m reading sex or just what always turns me on.  I’m feeling a bit indecisive so I’ll opt for both.

Kink in books

I feel I need to start with the disclaimer–I write sex, I read sex, I like sex, but there’s no kind of sex that keeps me in a story I don’t like.  Period.  That may not be true for others, but its true for me.

On the flip side, romance novels without sex generally don’t work for me.  There are always exceptions for the well written but  if there isn’t something explicit, I feel like the book and the relationship is incomplete.  Why? Because how people make love, how they are together in the bedroom (or shower or kitchen table or the corner of restaurant or airplane bathroom)  is an integral part of who they are together.  What they dare or don’t dare, how they work out the intricacies, how they communicate sexually is as fundamental to their relationship as the first kiss, negotiating a compromise, the nature of an apology etc….  When I get the fade to black, it homogenizes the hero and heroine–I lose a part of them.

The kink doesn’t matter if it is true to the nature of the relationship and the story–if it reveals how our lovers truly play with each other. That’s the key-sex like anything else defines a relationship, so yeah, I want to see it.

Getting personal

Over the years, no need to share just how many, I’ve learned a thing or two.   Factoid; the body changes so what turns it on, and how its turned on, changes too.  No surprise if you really think about it.  But for me a few things have remained constant–especially a certain body parts that if touched, always, and I mean always, gets a rise out of me. Which?

The neck.

Its no wonder vampires and shifters (think biting and mating)  play such key roles in erotic romances.  Offering up the neck puts a person in the most vulnerable position imaginable, which makes it, by definition, an act of trust that meshes sex and love in a single touch.  If you want to know my flame-on button, lips (or pretty much anything else) on the neck will always get you there.

What about you? Is sex integral to a romance?  If so, why and when?

Sabrina Garie is on a journey to create the most kick-ass heroine in romance fiction. You can meet the first heroine in Fires of Justice at Elloras Cave, Amazon, and Barnes and Noble.

About Sabrina Garie

Writer, reader, explorer, chauffeur (oops, I meant mom)

Posted on March 5, 2013, in Sabrina Garie and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 10 Comments.

  1. Reblogged this on Sabrina Garie and commented:

    I’m over at Darker Temptations grappling with the question–Bulletproof kink–What gets you going no matter how badly its done? Brought out the playful and thoughtful in me. Come join the fun.

  2. I really enjoyed this post! If the author closes the bedroom door I feel like something’s been left out of the relationship and I lose connection with the characters. It doesn’t have to always be kinky it just has to be there.
    suz2(at)cox(dot)net

    • Thanks Suzlyne. So true. Kink is about characters–if they need it great, if not fine. I also don’t like to wait until page 250 for it either. Unless the story absolutely demands it, how their sexual relationship evolves in tandem with the rest is part of the fun, and the connection.

  3. I love your fade to black comment. I feel the same way. 🙂

  4. Great post, Sabrina. I totally agree, for the romance to work there has to be sex, but the story also has to work. Lol, I won’t have anything new to add when it’s my turn to blog;).

  5. I wrote a book that’s fun and playful… I also wrote a revised “Special Edition” version of the same book because half of the readers had a hard time switching their brains from the whimsical aspects of the story to the fact the main character is a strong, funny, sassy, sexual woman with a sensual side. When one reader asked why I had to put innuendo and erotic scenes into the story that should have focused on a favored secondary character (her opinion), I said “I have always had a playful, sexual, sensual, relationship with all the men in my life- since all the characters in the book are different aspects of myself, why should I have held that back? Its natural for me that there would be stolen kisses and hot sex- that’s my life experience, and I write what I know.”

    Ironically, fans are split 50/50 on the lights on in the bedroom versus the fade to black version. I love this article, it says much of what I wish had been on the tip of my tongue when I was talking to some of the readers I had been corresponding with prior to the Special Edition … Thanks for sharing!

    • Thanks. I’m happy to share. This post really gave me a chance to start articulating why I write and read romance the way I do. Good luck with both versions of your story. Good idea to have options given that readers want different things.

  1. Pingback: Bulletproof Kink-Two Are Fun, Three Or More Are HOT, HOT, HOT! | Darker Temptations

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