I Have Anger Issues (And Other Reasons I’d Be an Orca)

Sporty womanToday’s lovely MANhandler photo comes from a secret photo donor who sent me this file as a little “thank you” for the happy hormones the MANhandler posts generate. Way to go, girl. You and I are TIGHT! Great (okay, simple) minds and all that. Enjoy!

I was looking around my room today and realized my furniture is black, my bedding is white, my walls are sort of a silvery blue, the floors are dark and my accent colors are deep blues. I think my goal was a spa-like feel when I started re-doing my room. What I ended up with was an underwater haven. It’s appropriate given today’s topic. If I could be any shifter in the world, I’d be an orca.

DSCN0523Orcas are the supreme beings in the sea, with no known predators except man. And put an orca and a man in the water in a fair fight? I’ll tell you who my money’s on. Every. Single. Time. I want to know what it feels like to swim fast and free, to jump and play and scratch  my belly on the sand. I want to feel the cold arctic waters and then move south along the coast of California and experience it all. I want to toy with tourists and splash the hell out of them with my tail. I want to blow total blowhole breath on them and watch them gag. (Trust me on this. Whale breath = HOLY HELL) I want to see the pure wonder in a woman’s eyes when she looks at me and is so moved by the power of nature she can’t breathe. I’ve been this woman and want to be on the receiving end of that absolute awe. But most of all? I want to be part of a pod of matriarchs, communicating through clicks and pings, moving as a unit and watching each others’ backs. I want that experience, and I want it badly.

brownlayNow, if we’re going to open the whole world up, I’m going to amend my choice. I’d want to be a dragon because, hello? DRAGON. Fast, sexy, free to fly and dive and spin, unstoppable, magnificent, scary as hell. Yeah, a dragon.

It seems I’d take to the sea or the air, forgoing the land I’m bound to now. Interesting, as I think about it. Both of my choices are top-of-the-food-chain killers. Clearly I could have chosen a chinchilla, but I didn’t. I went for guts (my prey’s) and glory (MINE, ALL MINE!). I seem to have some rage issues to work out.

What would you be if the world was laid at your feet and you could be anything you wanted to be?

Posted on May 29, 2013, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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