So, would I survive the Zombiecalypse? No, most likely no. I have shot rifles and handguns while in South Africa. I like to do research and I’m not one of those blondes who runs into the street to see what’s going on. Having read all the Anita Blake books ever published I do know about the salt. And, like a friend of mine, I never wear heels so I can run in case of a zombie outbreak.
But I’m not exactly what you call fit and as a diabetic who’s dependant on insulin I could only get so far. I don’t watch zombie movies (well, I have seen Resident Evil, but that’s the only series), I have never seen an episode of Walking Dead or read a single zombie story (there’s just something about having things fall off).
But I won’t have to worry about any of that as the Canadian government has declared it is anti-zombie!
The full question and answer, courtesy of The Ottawa Citizen, is below because it’s completely awesome:
“I rise today to salute the Center for Disease Control in Atlanta and the province of Quebec for putting in place emergency measures to deal with the possibility of an invasion of zombies,” Martin said. “I do not need to tell you, Mr. Speaker, that zombies do not recognize borders and that a zombie invasion in the United States could easily turn into a continent wide pandemic if it is not contained.”
He continued: “On behalf of concerned Canadians everywhere, I want to ask the Minister of Foreign Affairs – is he working with his American counterparts to develop an international zombie strategy, so that a zombie invasion does not turn into a zombie apocalypse?
Foreign Affairs Minister John Baird replied: “I want to assure the member and all Canadians that I am dead-icated to ensuring that this never happens. I want to say categorically to this member and through him to all Canadians that under the leadership of this Prime Minister Canada will never become a safe haven for zombies, ever.”
So, as Canada will never be a safe haven for zombies I won’t have to worry about the Zombie Apocalypse…won’t I?
The article is from io9.
Today, Amelia Gormley, author of The Impulse Trilogy is guest blogging for Keira and me. Let’s welcome her warmly!
Okay, in the interest of full disclosure, let me just say up front that I haven’t followed the zombie movement very closely. I don’t read zombie novels, watch zombie movies, or even watch The Walking Dead. When the zombie apocalypse comes, I will so not be prepared.
You say “zombies” and my mind goes blank. I don’t dislike them, not at all (well, aside from being vaguely skeeved out by understanding that lately, zombies are sometimes heroes in romance novels and seriously, how does that work? Because the whole rotting corpse thing?) They just haven’t captured my imagination or interest (yet. I am, however, an avid Plants vs. Zombies player.)
I know nothing about the genre and have no opinion. Which, um, made it just a leeetle interesting when Leta Blake approached me about doing this guest post. What can I possibly say about zombies? It’s a shame Leta wasn’t face to face with me when she made the offer because I imagine I would have had a rather priceless deer-in-the-headlights expression on my face.
Now, of course, there is an exception to every rule. In this case, I’m going to take the opportunity to plug someone else’s writing. The one zombie apocalypse story I’ve read. I think the only reason I began reading it was because someone posted a full-throated rec for it (over on Tumblr, maybe? I don’t remember) without mentioning that it was a zombie story and it started so strong that I was caught up in it and laughing my butt off before I realized that yes, I was indeed enjoying a zombie story.
That story was El Presidio Rides North by Domashita Romero for Shousetsu Bang*Bang. (The link to the—free, btw—story is on the GoodReads page there, I just wanted to include the GR link so people can rate and review if they choose to do so.) I just…I’m not even sure how to describe this story. I mean, what do you say about a story whose main characters are named Mercury and Gaga because they live in a world where they don’t dare become attached enough to know each other by name in case they have to kill one another, so instead they choose their names from the stack of CDs on the floorboard in their rolling fortress? A story where the (presumably straight) alpha hero dresses in (female) stripper clothes and gives the beta hero a lap dance because the beta hero had never been to a strip club before the apocalypse and that just wasn’t right.
It’s hilarious and absurd and yet it also becomes a very compelling romance. It’s short. It’s free. Read it. Just read it. Even if, like me, zombies aren’t your thing, read it. You won’t regret it.
Anyway, getting back to me and zombies. I know so little about the upcoming zombie apocalypse that when I tried my hand recently at writing a post-apocalyptic novel, I had to actively avoid venturing into zombie territory because I was afraid I would commit every cliché known to man in the process. I did, however, need a monster so I ended up writing someone kinda-vaguely-sorta-quasi-zombieish where I could make my own rules a little bit while still hitting that kind of note.
Unfortunately, I can’t really pimp that story yet because I’m not sure just when it’s going to be published, so instead I’ll just say, if post-apocalyptic worlds and zombie-esque monsters appeal to you, be on the lookout for Strain, which should be coming sometime later this year.
In the meantime, I’ll be working on the release of my upcoming novel, Velocity, the final installment in my Impulse trilogy, concluding the story of Derrick and Gavin that began in Inertia and Acceleration. It releases on March 2nd. Hope you enjoy!
REACHING OPTIMUM SPEED
For Detroit handyman Derrick Chance and his lover, Gavin Hayes, the holiday season is filled with the promise of new beginnings. Gavin’s officially moving in, and after the New Year, they’ll begin house hunting. But they both know all the talk of gift exchange, whose holiday ornaments go where, and what repairs and remodels will be needed to put Derrick’s house on the market is only a smoke screen.
Before the month is over, Gavin will have the final verdict on whether or not his dangerously delusional ex, Lukas, infected him with HIV. No matter how good Gavin’s chances appear with the three-month hurdle already passed, neither he nor Derrick knows what the future holds for them.
The holidays have always been a time of loss and mourning for Derrick, but now he has to stay strong as Gavin’s own fears and doubts assail him relentlessly. And when Lukas returns, unexpectedly penitent amid troubling revelations, Gavin has to ask himself whether he can offer Derrick the future he deserves, or whether these first few months of happiness are the best they will ever get.
Would I survive a Zombie Apocalypse? The short answer is, “No.”
From the first news reports, the first pictures on the TV, I would have a heart attack and die in self-defense.
It would be the same if I were swimming and saw a shark coming toward me. If I’m going to die, I’m doing it on my own terms, dammit!
If, however, that didn’t happen, I just might survive because of a couple of my other personality traits and some life experiences.
Firstly, I’m cautious. If the zombies haven’t reached town yet, I’m the first one taking off. Why wait? Also, if they’re already shuffling down the street I’m not the person who, like in the movies, wants to go outside and “see what’s going on,” or the scoffer who says, “nothing’s going to happen,” or the idjit who just has to have a _____________ (fill in the blank with diet pop, pack of cigarettes, whatever). Nopers. I’m the one who, after barricading herself into the house, is standing in the kitchen wondering how long she can last on the food she has. Starvation, I think, is better than feeding the f**kers my brains! And who knows? Maybe someone will find a cure before the food runs out.
The second trait on my side? I’m wily and quick to move when the effluvium hits the oscillating blades. I’m making decisions and doing stuff, not waiting around to “see how things go.” Is there a handy gun shop or army base? I’m busting in and arming myself (hopefully my dear hubby hasn’t been turned yet and will show me which ammo goes with that AK47, because I just may have to take it all and sort it out after I hole up somewhere). I’m finding a bolt hole, securing it, getting some gasoline and whatever else I think I’ll need, which leads to the life experience that will be helpful…
I grew up in a (as they’re euphemistically called) “Developing Country.” Even better, it’s one that quite often gets threatened and hit by hurricanes. I know what a true essential is and what’s just a silly flight of fancy you’re probably not going to need. I’m also low maintenance. I won’t be the woman lugging a makeup case while tottering around in high heels. Uh-uh. I’m the one in the hiking boots with the knapsack, carrying a big-ass gun, bandoliers over her shoulders, running as fast as a short, no-longer-young woman can move. And, believe me, when I have to, that’s pretty damn fast.
Lastly, I might make it because, deep down inside, I believe in humanity and our ability to survive if we just band together and be smart. I’m finding the winning team and joining it, or forming it if I have to. Band with me, and we’ll try to get through it together.
Just don’t get stupid, because I’m not saving you. That’s not in the survival plan!
Early in the lifecycle of World of Warcraft, a disease, designed to work only within the confines of a particular raid instance escaped containment. Players carried the disease into the major cities within the game. Whether they did this intentionally or unintentionally is still subject to debate. For the result, check the photo.
Yes. Those are bones littering the streets. In game, players heard rumors of the escaped, deadly plague. They then did one of three things:
Ran AWAY from the carnage
- Ran TOWARD the death and destruction just to see it for themselves
- Meandered into the death zone to report back to fellow players and/or to attempt to heal the infected
Blizzard patched the code to fix the ‘bug’, but the several days of mayhem garnered the interest of a number of researchers. Here’s the Reuter’s article about the game plague and the subsequent research if fueled. At one point, rumors circulated in game that the CDC had even taken an interest in the psychology behind people’s responses. The accidental release of an imaginary disease in an imaginary world that some of us still pay good money to play in turned out to be the pandemic model researchers had always wanted, but could never develop. After all, how do you program in irrational human behaviour? Several million gamer geeks gave it to them. In spades.
The episode also inspired a zombie invasion/apocalypse later in the game, but that’s another story.
What about me? In this world, in my life, with my current skills, would *I* survive the zombie apocalypse? HAHAHAHAHAHA! No.
Yeah. Sorry. Lame in one leg. Asthmatic. I’m a gimped zombie snack pack, even if I live on a boat (which is a pretty sweet platform for survival).
But in World of Warcraft? I’m a 3 1/2 foot tall bundle of gnomish ingenuity and fireballs – all of which survived the in game apocalypse. By sheer, dumb luck which, I suspect, will how any of us survives anything.
I looked at the topic for this post, scratched my head, chewed my lip for awhile. I’ve got nothing. Who the f… is prepared for a zombie apocalypse? I’m weeks behind with laundry and have dirty dishes in the sink. Let’s face it, I’m not going to survive an urban dystopia with a few extra bottles of water, a camping stove, canned goods, a flashlight, batteries and some duct tape if I even had any of that.
I am missing some really key things. No guns, no real knives except those dull things on my kitchen counter that barely chop vegetables. I quit studying Tae Kwon Doo at the green belt level oh so many years ago that I couldn’t even pretend to have muscle memory–muscle dementia more like it. I haven’t run any races for a decade and even then I was not that good–my only goal to finish, no matter how long it took. Lets face it–I don’t have weapons or know how to use any that might be of any help.
Is it hopeless? Yes, you say. You may be right but there are I few things that I do have that may change the odds (or I could be kidding myself). The sheer unadultered truth is that you can”t really prepare for an apocalypse–its not like a dance recital or a test. Darwin was pretty clear on this–survivors aren’t the strongest, but the most adaptable. And adaptability I’ve got in spades.
To survive, I’d rely on creativity and resourcefulness. Use frying pans, screwdrivers and wooden bookshelves, I could devise make shift weapons. I may be out of shape but I don’t have a death wish and hard wood is hard wood whether its in the shape of a bat or a shelf. I’ve always had a swiss army knife on hand cause you can do just about anything with those things.
Throw a little chaos at me and I rise to the challenge. I’ll be the one making plans for those with the guns and knives to implement. I will do what I have to do to survive–now that’s a pretty useful attitude when its me versus the zombie. I may not know what I need, but I’m not bad at figuring out things to do with what’s around. I have a spoon and I’m willing to use it. Eye anyone?
Just in case you want to know, if I could choose one person who I wanted with me to battle zombies and survive the unknown, there is only one choice–Angus MacGyver, the most resourceful hero ever to grace the small screen. Over there, isn’t he lovely?
What tricks do you have to survive? Who would you want along for the ride?
Sabrina Garie is on a journey to create the most kick-ass heroine in romance fiction. You can meet the first heroine in Fires of Justice at Elloras Cave, Amazon, and Barnes and Noble.
The theme this time around is all about the zombiepocalypse. Oh sure, you’ve seen the movies, you know what to do. But would you really do it?
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think I’d be as bad as the guys in Shaun of the Dead and head straight for the pub. At least I don’t think I would. But then again, I don’t have a full plan like some people I know. Plans, you say? Yes, plans.
There’s my nephew who has made the decision that when the zombiepocalypse happens, he’s going to his parents’ house, burn all the homes in a quarter-mile around their house and stake out on top of his dad’s shed (it’s roughly the size of a small airplane hangar). Now that’s planning. He has his defensible position picked out, a means to make sure he can see the enemy coming…so sorry about the neighbors though. This is serious business to him.
My brother plans to hang out at either Wal-mart or Sams. I don’t think that’s the best plan of action myself. I mean, isn’t that where everyone’s going to go when the zombies come? They’ll decide at the last-minute that they need to get some milk or something. Not to mention, there are just too many entrances into the building for my comfort. Sure, it has everything you’d need to survive for a good while, but you’ll have to fend off other survivors and the zombies. Not exactly my cup of tea.
Then there’s this belief that if you go out in the middle of nowhere, where there are no people, your chances of being the target of a zombie attack. But you’re also far from all supplies you might need. First aid, food, ammunition, etc. Sure, you could stockpile this stuff, but you will run out. The question is will you outlast the zombies or not? Besides, I seriously doubt a zombie infection would be isolated to humans. You could be out there in the woods surrounded by zombie squirrels, zombie rabbits…zombie mosquitoes! It’s dangerous!
As for me? Well, I already know I’d never survive the zombiepocalypse. It wouldn’t matter how prepared I was. I could go all Linda Hamilton in Terminator 2 dangerous and I’d still die. Why? Because I can’t stand being dirty or having dirty hair. It’s an OCD thing with me. It’s also why I don’t go camping. Hair must be washed daily. All the zombies would have to do to make a snack out of me is to wait for me to corner myself in a bathroom (because yeah, I would have to stay somewhere with running water, even if it’s a cistern) and take me out.
Hi, I’m Danica, your zombie hostess. Welcome to the zombiepocalypse. How do you like your brains? Shaken or stirred?
Warning! Flashing on that site! Migraine or seizure trigger alert!
Since perhaps even before the Cranberries’ song Zombie in 1994, the connection between war, apocalyptic thinking, and zombies has been in the widespread cultural consciousness. It’s to the point that university professors and the CDC have taken interest in the phenomenon, though maybe for different reasons. It’s to the point that there are articles out there trying to impress upon us the positive influence this zombie fixation can have on our psychology. Is it any wonder that a large number of people are mashing zombies up with another phenomenon of the zeitgeist–the return of mass popular fascination with fairy tales? (See the bottom of this post for links around the web to fascinating and amusing mash-ups of zombies and fairy tales.)
When Keira and I were assigned the theme “How would you survive the zombie apocalypse?” we immediately decided to to mash the two ideas ourselves, given our own love of fairy tales. We decided to see how–or if–some of our favorite fairy tale characters might survive a zombie apocalypse.
Little Red Riding Hood. Would she survive? We believe she would. With the help of her massive, vicious, protective, sentient, talking wolf friend (and maybe a machine gun in accord with this drawing by Lora Zombie), Red could definitely hold off the zombies and make a cozy home of a wolf den. There are all kinds of incredibly filthy stories that might come of that scenario, but I’ll leave that to your own perverted imaginations. Or you can bleach your brain now, if you like. I’ll wait here.
Rapunzel. Would she survive? We believe she would. For awhile. As the zombies crowd around the base of her tower, Rapunzel watches safely from her tower above, refusing to let down her hair. Eventually, though, it becomes clear that her beloved prince and her evil captor have both lost their yummy brains to the zombies below. Trapped as she is in her tower, Rapunzel must make a terrible choice–die of dehydration and starvation or lower her hair to creatures of the night below.
The Light Princess. Would she make it out alive? We think that the Light Princess stands one of the best chances for successful zombie evasion–assuming she doesn’t find herself completely untethered to float away into the stratosphere to freeze and suffocate. When the zombies approach, the Light Princess could bound to the top of buildings, float to grip the uppermost twigs of trees, and dangle herself off the church spires, climbing down to collect food and water when the coast was clear. Alas, her poor prince would probably be zombified, but the princess herself could likely survive quite some time. (By the way, Keira and I wrote a m/m version of The Light Princess called Earthly Desires.)
Jack (and the Beanstalk). Would he make it? Well, most of the time it would be touch and go for him, but we think there are a few ways that Jack might survive the zombie apocalypse. The first and most obvious step would be for Jack to climb the beanstalk to escape the crowd of zombies. He’d have to get to the top before them all, and then, of course, he’d have to deal with the giant. This is where the possibilities really open up for him. He could try to somehow destroy the beanstalk before the zombies get to the top, hoping that he can accomplish it before the giant smells his delicious English blood. Or he could hide, wait for the zombies to reach the top, and hope the giant takes care of them himself. I’m pretty sure the giant could defeat the zombies. I think he’d have the strength to toss them, one after another, off the side of the cloud, and he’d probably be more successful at destroying the stalk than Jack would be. He’s likely only left it up this long in order to seduce humans up it in order to supplement his food supply with tasty flesh and bones. So, truly, this is probably Jack’s best bet.
Once the giant has tossed the zombies over, destroyed the stalk so no more can climb up, Jack would then need to deal with the giant. He could go the traditional route of cutting off his head (see picture above) or perhaps he might be a bit sneakier than that, choosing instead to attempt to befriend the giant, introduce him to the idea of vegetarianism, or at least seduce him into embracing a diet free of human flesh. There are other options, of course, but I think it all hinges on Jack beating the zombies up the beanstalk and then being able to either kill or befriend the giant.
Another possibility that would be fun would be if the giant cannot destroy the stalk, and so zombies are a constant threat. I’m now imagining a scenario where Jack hides out in the castle, and he and the giant are foes at first, but finally they begin to work together to defeat the zombie threat. Eventually friendship blossoms and then love blooms. It’s the classic danger scenario bringing to enemies together that so many grand romances are made of. Speaking of, while there are no zombies, Keira and I did pen a hate-to-love Jack and the Beanstalk story, which you can purchase HERE.
Welcome to the Zombie/Fairy Tale Zeitgeist!
1. Kevin Richey’s Zombie Fairy Tales: “Kevin Richey’s Zombie Fairy Tales are a monthly series of short stories set in a dark fairy tale universe plagued by zombies. Surreal and full of black humor, installments feature familiar childhood characters as they encounter a world of stark violence and horror — Cinderella is worked to death before the ball, Pinocchio is made from children’s corpses, and Little Red Riding Hood finds more than wolves in the forest. New titles will appear on the 13th of each month throughout 2012. The series features overlapping elements, characters, and places for a more immersive experience for the dedicated fan, but can also be read as stand-alone entries in any order.”
2. Little Red Riding Hood: A Zombie Fairy Tale GAME: “Little Dead Riding Hood is a racing game. Each player assumes the role of one of the Riding Hood sisters trying desperately to get supplies to their beloved grandmother. Simple really, except for those pesky zombie wolves.” (I’m not sure why the wolves need to be zombies and not just, you know, wolves, but there you have it!)
3. Snow White and the Seven Dead Dwarves: A Zombie Fairytale: “Fast-paced and violent with a lot of zombie carnage (seriously; A LOT) make SNOW WHITE AND THE SEVEN DEAD DWARFS a really fun read.”
4. Zombie Fairy Tale Theater: A hilarious and charming new webseries “Zombie Fairytale Theater”; where the zombies tell the stories. You can view the series HERE. (Yes, I used the words ‘hilarious’ and ‘charming’ with regard to zombies. I don’t know either.)
5. Zombie Fairy Tales by Jill Myles: “Collected here are 7 short, slightly twisted fairy tales retold from a zombie perspective. What if Cinderella had been undead when she went to the ball? What if Little Red Riding Hood went to Grandma’s house to eat her?”
6. A Very Zombie Fairy Tale! A play in Dublin that seems to have already run, but deserves a mention anyway due to it’s description: Zombies! Puppets! Musical Numbers! True Love! Sounds like a hoot, don’t you think?
7. Call for Fairy Tale Zombies Submission from Entangled in Romance: The deadline for it was summer 2012, so if you’ve got the sweetest, hottest zombie fairy tale romance sitting on your hard drive, alas you are too late. But! Surely the books or anthology should be available for purchase soon since the deadline for submission was last summer, right? Keep an eye out for it!
Keira Andrews and Leta Blake write fairy tale inspired m/m erotica and romantica with Ellora’s Cave. Check out Ascending Hearts, available through Ellora’s Cave, Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Sony, and others! And also remember to look at Earthly Desires, the first book in the Tempting Tales series, available for purchase at Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and Ellora’s Cave.